<center>Gather around, Oneiromancers, for on this day we bring to thee,
A story, straight from the mouth of Vindhlér!
The man of many names;
Watcher of Asgard;
Born of the seas;
The All-Seer;
Praise be to his name, and <b>[[listen]].</b></center><center> <h1>Godly Wager</h1>
The tale begins like many of these do:
Loki Laufeyjarson was [[bored]].<center>"Oh, Odin's son..."
A familiar, amused drawl cut through the haze of dreams Thor was lazing around in. Thor groaned, and forced his eyes to open. He was sprawled on the ground, and there was hay in his beard. Loki stared down at him.
"You fell asleep in the goat pen," Loki said. His lips twitched into a smirk. "Again."
Thor blinked, and glanced around. Tanngrisnir stared at him neutrally, while Tanngnjóstr slumbered away, unimpressed by his presence.
Thor pulled himself to his feet and grinned. "Indeed-!" he boomed, and then stopped, wincing at his own volume.
"Headache?" Loki asked mildly.
"No!" Thor defended, at a quieter tone (still enough to awaken his sleeping goat. Oops!)
Loki stared at him.
"There's no such thing as too much mead," Thor added.
Loki laughed, the sound like tinkling ice. It scraped at the ears. "Of course," he said. "But, friend, I //am// here for a reason. I've heard your lovely wife is looking for you. She didn't seem very happy! You may want to go find out what she wants."
Thor's eyes widened. "Oh!" he said. "Thank you, Loki! I know I can always count on your aid!"
Thor slapped Loki's shoulder playfully. (Loki stumbled.)
Tanngnjóstr [[bleated]] at them both balefully.(css: "font-size: 150%;")["''//LOKI//''!"]
Bilskirnir shook with the force of the shout, and yet when the raging tempest that was Thor barged into view, Loki merely leaned against the wall, planted his hand over his mouth, and shook with mirth.
"Thor!" Loki said between giggles. "I gather you've found your wife?"
Thor strode towards him. Lightning crackled in his eyes.
"//Loki//," Thor repeated. He grabbed Loki by the collar and slammed him into the wall hard enough the stone cracked. "You //worthless snake//! What is wrong with you?!"
Loki let out a small huff of breath, grabbing hold of Thor's arms. "There's no need to be rude," Loki said, feet dangling half a meter off the ground. He smirked like the cat that ate the canary.
"You will //fix this//," Thor demanded. "//Now//."
Loki shrugged. "I'm not sure," he hedged. "Sif may just have to learn to live with her new lack of hair."
"//I am going to break every bone in your body//," Thor said.
"No need to worry!" Loki said. "[[I can fix this]]!"Thor strolled through the halls of Bilskirnir, whistling a cheery tune. The building was strangely empty -- usually a walk through Bilskirnir meant you passed by servants and friends the whole while, Thor thought, but today he hadn't seen anyone. Odd!
Almost as if summoned by his thoughts, Freyr wandered into the hall. His golden hair was messy, his eyes were bloodshot. In the middle of a yawn, Freyr stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted Thor. His eyes widened.
"Freyr!" Thor greeted. (Freyr flinched back.) "My friend! I see you're recovering well from last night! How fare you on this good day?"
Freyr stared at him.
The seconds ticked on. Thor's broad smile stood unwavering, but as the silence dragged it gained an uncertain edge. Freyr's eyes darted around, like he was looking for an escape route, and then locked back onto Thor.
"...Well, fair enough!" Thor finally said. "I must go, and find my wife, so I'll leave you be!"
"Ah," Freyr said. "Yes. You should... do that."
Freyr coughed and backpedaled the way he'd came from. Thor stared after him.
Odd!
Thor shrugged and continued on, resuming his cheery tune.
He found his chambers a few minutes later and threw the doors open. "Sif?" he called. "Are you-"
Thor stopped in his tracks.
Sif was there. She sat on their bed, eyes teary and panicked. When she spotted Thor, her hands flew towards her head -- freshly shaven [[bald]].<center>The thing about Loki Laufeyjarson is thus:
He doesn't really think about the consequences of his actions.
And so he fled Asgard, thinking up ways to avoid the breaking of //all// of his bones.
The other thing about Loki Laufeyjarson, however:
If nothing else good can be said about him...
He's good at coming up with ideas.
And so the Liesmith sought out the Sons of Ivaldi, the fabled Dwarven smiths of Myrkheim,
And with them he came to an agreement.
And when Loki left Myrkheim and returned to Asgard, he carried with him [[three treasures]].<center>(abandoned part omegalul
twine is kind of fucky so I'm worried deleting this will break the whole story
if you're seeing this: pay no attention to the man behind the curtain)<center>The thing about Loki Laufeyjarson is thus:
He simply cannot handle boredom.
And so, back in Asgard, he spoke:
Smug and proud, he boasted of the three treasures he carried,
And now none could possibly match them!
And who overheard but a pair of dwarves,
Brokkr and Eitri.
And so they approached him, and declared they //[[could]]//.<center><center>The two dwarves and the Liesmith made a bet.
The two dwarves claimed they could make treasures far more beautiful and impressive than any from the Sons of Ivaldi;
And Loki, incapable of restraint, wagered his head in favor of the treasures he already had.
The brothers got to work;
Eitri worked the forge, blazing hot, and Brokkr maintained the bellows so that the heat would stay at an appropriate level.
And,
//coincidentally//,
a gadfly flew in and begin to harass Brokkr.
Working on the first object, the gadfly bit Brokkr on the hand, which Brokkr ignored;
Working on the second object, the gadfly bit Brokkr on the neck, which Brokkr ignored;
Working on the third object, the gadfly bit Brokkr on the eye, which caused Brokkr to say, "//Ah fuck//!"
A brief distraction in the smithing process;
But soon, the objects were finished, and all of the treasures were brought to Asgard, to be [[judged]]. <center><center>In the grand halls of Asgard, Loki and a pair of dwarves each stood, ready to present grand treasures.
And some of the Aesir (and Freyr) stood, ready to judge;
The Living Tempest, Thor, accompanied by his wife, Sif;
The Raven Lord, Odin;
And the King of Alfheim, Freyr;
And the [[judgement]] began.<center>"My friends!" Loki called. "My family. Today I present treasures grand and impressive."
"They had better be," Thor growled. He and Sif both glared at Loki.
"One treasure," Freyr murmured. "One specific thing, and you come back with six. You Aesir..."
"You'll get used to it," Odin responded.
Loki cleared his throat and stepped forward. "First," he decreed, voice silky and smooth, "the //restitution//."
Loki pulled forth a wig. Unmistakably made of gold, and yet identical to Sif's former, beautiful hair. He held it forward. Sif accepted the wig carefully.
"I must say that I regret my actions dearly," Loki blatantly lied.
Thor growled.
Loki coughed. "Place this upon your head," he intoned, "and it will act the same as natural hair. It will be as if nothing happened. My apologies."
Sif placed the wig upon her head gingerly. Thor watched his wife with concern as golden strands fashioned themselves onto her scalp.
After a long moment, Sif nodded. "Thank you, Loki," she said. "Your apology is..."
She hesitated for a long moment.
"...accepted," she eventually decided.
Thor relaxed instantly. He smiled at Loki, already moving on from this whole debacle.
"Hurray," Freyr said tonelessly.
"My [[second treasure]]," Loki said."Second!" Loki threw his hands out dramatically. "The finest ship you will ever know -- Skithblathnir!"
Loki pulled a small square of wood from his pocket. Smaller than his palm.
"I see no ship, Loki!" Thor said, earnest and excited for wherever Loki was going to take this.
Loki smirked. "Ah, but you //do//," he said, and with that he started to unfold the wood. "You see, this ship is so expertly made that it folds like cloth! To a size so small one could carry it in their pocket! Watch!"
He continued to unfold the ship.
"This will take a few minutes," Loki admitted.
True to his word, however, the ship Skithblathnir unfolded fully. A beautiful drakkar greeted the gods, crafted so powerfully it looked ready to withstand Asgard's worst storms.
The judges nodded at it appreciatively. After a few moments too long, Odin coughed and nudged Freyr.
"Oh!" Freyr said. "Sure, I- I guess I can take this?"
And while Freyr underwent the lengthy process of folding Skithblathnir up again, Loki presented his [[third treasure]]."The third, and final, treasure from the Sons of Ivaldi," Loki announced. He smirked. "For you //personally//, Raven Lord."
Odin quirked an eyebrow.
Loki presented the spear.
"''Gungnir''," Loki announced. "A perfect weapon! So well-balanced that even a simpleton could strike any target." Loki laughed faintly to himself and waited a few uncomfortable moments before continuing. "You, of course, could do more than a simpleton, All-Father."
Odin accepted the spear carefully, and looked over it with a critical eye.
"Impressive work," Odin reluctantly admitted.
Loki took a deep bow and backed off. His treasures had been presented.
The judges turned their attention to the [[dwarves]].Brokkr strode forward. "Draupnir," he announced, holding out a golden ring.
"Every nine nights, it will produce eight copies of itself," Eitri explained. "Perfect copies, in weight, size and quality."
"That's interesting," Freyr said, and before he had even finished Odin had taken the ring and stuffed it into the dark depths of his cloak.
Odin stared at Freyr with his singular eye, daring him to argue. Freyr gave him a hesitant thumbs up.
"Next," Brokkr announced. "Gullinbursti."
Brokkr whistled, and a boar coated in glistening gold walked forward. Eitri patted it on the head. Gullinbursti snorted.
"It runs fast," Eitri said. "Over air and water. Also, it glows. Obviously."
Freyr and Thor exchanged glances.
"That's pretty neat," Freyr said hesitantly.
Thor patted him on the back. (Freyr nearly fell over.) "Go for it, my friend!"
The boar shuffled forward and sprawled itself across the ground. Freyr patted its head.
"Next," Brokkr said.
"Are we nearly done?" Loki interrupted. He yawned theatrically.
Brokkr regarded him, unimpressed.
"Next," Brokkr said again. "The [[hammer]].""Mjölnir!" Eitri announced, unveiling the hammer.
The judges regarded the hammer.
It was a primordial thing, a tempest chained into silver, etched with runes that promised bloodlust and battle, war and glory. It gouged a hole in the floor as the two dwarves dragged it forward, the hammer too heavy for even both of them to lift together.
Thor gasped, strode forward, and scooped the hammer up. He gave it a few experimental swings. Even the mighty Thor had trouble holding it up!
"This!" Thor cried. "This is magnificent! A work of art!"
Loki coughed. "It's merely a hammer," he said.
"But what an impressive hammer it is!" Thor said.
"It is quite well made," Odin said.
"Not //that// well made," Loki said with a nervous laugh.
"I can't agree," Freyr said. "I mean, I like this boar here. A lot! But that hammer. Wow!"
The judges all gathered around to look at the hammer. Thor passed it from hand to hand, nearly dropped it. He turned towards Sif, and she smiled encouragingly.
"The handle is quite short," Odin said.
"Got distracted during the smithing," Brokkr admitted.
"See?" Loki said. His smile was desperate. "The weapon is flawed!"
Odin shrugged. "The dwarves win," he declared.
"Oh son of a bitch," Loki murmured.
The dwarven duo both turned their attention toward him.
"Our payment, then!" Eitri said.
"Your [[head]]," Brokkr said.<center>What followed was a round of frantic negotiation and debate.
"You //promised// us your head, that's what we deserve!"
"You //did// promise them your head, Loki..."
"Ah, well, now hold on! I promised my head to you, yes, but nothing else! So if you're to take my head, you have no right to touch my //neck//."
"Well then we'll just... take only half of your head!"
"//Half//? No, no, I bet my //whole// head, you can't change your reward!"
"Heh, he's got a point there, dwarves!"
"[[So what will you take]], you vile little dwarves--?"<center><center>At the end of the day,
The judges left with new treasures,
The dwarven smiths left empty handed,
but they made sure to stitch Loki's lips together, first,
and Loki learned nothing from the experience.<center>